B-Movie Star

When I woke up this morning, there was a small group of deer out in the garden trying to find some breakfast. I grabbed our little *coughcrappycough* digital camera and tried to get a shot of it. To be fair, I am shooting into the rising sun, through a window and a screen, and I'm trying to be quick before they notice me and run away. I think even Ansel Adams would find that a bit of a challenge.

Poor things - I know there's not much to eat out in that dried up garden!

Then about lunch time I see they are back in the neighbor's yard trying to find some lunch. I'm ready to make them some sandwiches and take them outside. Do you think deer like peanut butter and jelly? That's about all I have because I have to go grocery shopping tonight.

Now I'm trying to photograph all this at a distance. Hoo Boy - this looks pretty bad! You can't tell, but there's like about 6 deer out there. Another neighbor we have keeps a deer feeder, but I'm guessing it needs to be refilled.  The deer are running through our back orchard all the time. Each time I see them though I get excited. It doesn't get old. They're so much bigger up close then you expect them to be (some of you know because they've jumped out in front of your vehicle)!

So if you're feeling bad today, be happy you're not a deer looking for lunch!

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So, it's been pretty darn cold around these parts. Okay, it's been pretty darn cold in a lot of places. So, to take our minds off the bitter cold and the frozen tundra that awaits us outside, let's all concentrate on MR. SUN!  Where have you gone MR. SUN? Come back soooooon!

One of my favorites - you're learning without knowing it! BONUS! (plus, how flipping cute is this video? I want to move to this happy land).

From Gabby's childhood . . .

Okay - Keep warm!

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Last night we discovered that one of our hens hatched her chicks! I'm so excited! I woke up this morning and it was the first thing that popped into my mind and I just had to smile thinking about them!

This one hen has been sitting - obviously for about 21 days! - and I had calculated that from when she started sitting, the eggs should hatch sometime around the first of December. She did a really great job sitting, but you just never know how these things are going to work out. The chickens we have now we bought from a hatchery so I wasn't sure how doing it the old fashioned way was all going to play out.

Last night when my nephew and I went out to feed them and shut them in the coop for the night, I saw that the hen was sitting on the floor and not in the little "box" that she's been in. Nathaniel said he heard some "peeping" so we tried to lift up her wing and she wasn't too happy about it, but we saw that she had two baby chicks underneath! One little yellow one and one little dark colored one.  We have chickens that are reddish/golden and some that are black and white speckled. I figured she was sitting on some of the other hens eggs, so seeing the different colored one proved that theory.

Halfway through her "sitting" period, the old roost where the chickens have been laying their eggs sort of started to lean, and it looked like it was going to collapse. I got freaked out because I didn't want the thing to fall down and crush all the eggs that this poor hen had been working so hard to hatch. My brother came by that night and used his handyman magic to fix the roost and make it sturdy again. The little red hen didn't move while he was doing this work. I was amazed by that. She's such a good mom! He said when he was working, he slipped his hand under her to feel the eggs and he thought there was a handful underneath.  He and my dad were warning me that she might be setting on eggs that weren't good, I guess they were trying to warn me not to get my hopes up. We do have three roosters though, who are quite diligent in their job, so I felt pretty confident on that end of things.

Anyway, I came back to the house to tell Gabby and call my parents to tell them the good news. Gabby got the camera and we went back out to try to get a photo of the little cuties. I put on my gloves and gently lifted the hen completely off the ground. She didn't seem to mind, I think she could sense that we weren't there to hurt her or her chicks, plus I think she's pretty proud of her little babies. When I lifted her up, I was suprised to see there were FOUR little chicks underneath her! They are so incredibly tiny and so CUTE! Think about how big an egg is, and that's about how big these little guys are. I know they grow really quickly, so I was glad we got this photo. We didn't want to take too many and bother them. Plus, it's COLD outside and I didn't want them to catch a little chill!

This morning I went out to let the chickens out and when I went in to check on the little red hen, she was still setting in the same place, then I saw a little chick face peek out over her fluffy wing - two little eyes were curiously looking around, wondering what was going on in the big world. Then another little head poked out - it just made me laugh to see their bright little eyes. Welcome to the world little chicks! Now stay close to your mom so you don't get cold!

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Last night we kicked off the Countdown to Chrismtas by watching "It's a Wonderful Life."  I love that movie - everything about that movie! Even David gets teary eyed at the end when George Bailey realizes that he's the richest man in town.  There are a lot of great Christmas movies - and some that I hope to never see again. Picking your favorites is almost like shooting fish in a barrel.  Here are my top Christmas Favorites - I doubt there are any suprises here!

10.  Home Alone. This movie always makes me laugh. I guess because it's really just a live action cartoon, like Tom and Jerry. I also like Home Alone 2, but after that I recommend avoiding them!

9.  Frosty the Snowman - all the Rankin Bass Video have good Christmas memories, but I always wanted Frosty to stay LONGER!!!!

8.  How the Grinch Stole Christmas - the cartoon version narrated by Boris Karloff.  Don't even get me started on that live action verison.

7. A Charlie Brown Christmas

6.  Christmas with the Joker. Yeah, well it's a tradition in MY family! When Gabby was little she thought this is how the song Jingle Bells really went. When she got to preschool and everyone was singing something else, she didn't know what was going on.  I know, we've scared her.

5.  Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.  For all the misfits in the world! (Don't you love that fat little snowman (Burl Ives) who narrates, and all those decorated trees!)

4. The Nightmare Before Christmas - come on, this is one of my all time favorite movies for just any day, so of course I'm going to watch it during Christmas!

3.  A Christmas Carol. I love all the versions really - even Scrooged with Bill Murray.  I watch whichever one is on, but I think the one with Patrick Stewart is great - and of course the Muppet version - that one rocks!

2.  It's A Wonderful Life. If you don't like this movie, your heart is three sizes too small.

1. A Christmas Story. I know I know they play it 24 hours straight, but it just never gets old to me.  I love everything about this movie.  HO HO HO!

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I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving - we did. It was so great to be with everyone, my in laws came, my brother and his four kids, my dad came - my mom got sick that day and couldn't make it, and then Colleen's kids were here. It was a wonderful houseful of people. The food all turned out good - everyone ate enough and we talked and laughed and had a nice time.  Later on, my brother took all the kids to the movies - he's a glutton for punishment isn't he?  My in laws had to leave before it got too late, and we spent the evening napping and watching television and eating leftovers - isn't that what you're supposed to do on Thanksgiving?

Prior to Thursday it had been a difficult week. My sister, who I've mentioned has MS, has been getting worse and worse.  She is on a program of chemotherapy to try to help stop the MS symptoms and when she came back from her last session of treatment, she just really went downhill quickly. She was living alone in an apartment, but she was falling a lot. Last week the "meals on wheels" people who deliver her a noon meal everyday found her laying on the floor - she had spent the night there because she couldn't get back up. They called my dad and he and another guy helped get her up.  That night my mom asked my brother to go by and check on her and again, she was laying on the floor so my mom went and got her and took her to her house. That next day she asked me to go over in the morning and help her get dressed so I went over and I woke her up. She sat on the edge of the bed and just seemed "out of it" sort of in a daze, so I told her maybe she needed to wake up a little bit and I would come back in  few minutes to help her out of bed. I went out to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and when I went back into the bedroom she was laying on the floor.  I was able to help her roll over and set up, but I couldn't lift her so I had to call David and he came home from work and we got her out to the living room and sat her in a chair.

She was doing really well prior to this, as far as walking goes. She was getting around without a walker or cane - which she has used occasionally.  Then in just a day she was doing worse than ever.  She fell several more times at my parents house - once in the bathroom which scared my mom, of course. So they took her to the hospital for an evaluation and then on Wednesday she was admitted to a type of nursing home where she can get round the clock care.  I am relived, because I know that she will have people watching out for her and making sure that she eats and doesn't fall, but it's also one of the most heartbreaking experiences I've ever been through.

If it was just her physical decline, it would still suck, but I think I could handle that. The worst thing about this disease for my sister is that seems to be taking her mind. She is confused a lot. She doesn't remember things.  It's like a person with alzheimer's - except that she's only 40 years old! This disease has taken away her ability to talk.  She doesn't speak very well and when she does, it's short and as few words as possible. I think it's because she has a hard time accessing in her brain the words that she wants to use. It's so awful to watch.  I look into her eyes and it seems my sister isn't there.

I wish I had a magic wand to make everything better for her.  She's lost everything - her husband lives in another town so he can keep working at his job to make sure she has health insurance. Her children live with me and my parents, she can't work, she can't speak, she can't walk, she can't live alone, she can't drive . . .  it's so awful for her, for her children, her husband, the rest of her family and friends.  And there's nothing that anyone can do really. It's a huge pile of suck.

I don't think my sister is ever coming back, and I'm more sad about it than I can put into words. It's like grieving for someone who isn't gone yet.  I want to remember all the wonderful things about my sister - the things that her children won't know - I have to remember for their sake, so I can tell them that she wasn't always this person that they see now. I miss my sister that was my best friend. The person I could always rely on to be my cohort. The one person that would put up with my crap - and the one person who wouldn't put up with my crap. I miss the person I would talk to about everything. I miss the person who knew all about me - who lived my childhood with me. The person that I could say one word to and they would know EXACTLY what I was talking about.

I'm not trying to be selfish - I know that her children and her husband have lost more than I have. Next to them, my complaining seems pretty petty, but I don't mean to sound that way. I'm just saying that it hurts a lot to see my sister disappearing down a well of disease and misery and not be able to do a damn thing about it.  It hurts to lose someone. It hurts to see someone you love suffering.

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This week I have been feeling so down. There is a lot of stress going on in my family - and I know that everyone has their stress, so I'm trying not to whine. Then on Tuesday I heard the news report about authorities discovering the body of  the five year old North Carolina girl, Shaniya Davis, that was reported missing. I couldn't help it, I've been crying about it all day. I just get so tired of people being so evil. I just don't understand this.  Maybe I'm crazy to be so affected by a person that I didn't know personally, but when I saw her photo on television when she was first reported missing,  she just looked so sweet. I just can't imagine how anyone would want to hurt a little child. I wish I could just go around and scoop up all the kids who are suffering and bring them home with me.  Unfortunately, I would need a really, really big house.

There was something else I thought about today too, this girl's mom. The person who is accused of selling this little baby, my first reaction is one of disgust and anger, and rightfully so. But this anger gets me nowhere, just an endless circle of why? that never has an answer. I don't know if I can explain this right, but while I was thinking about this, it was as if  God granted me a little speck of grace to see this mother in a slightly different light.  If she is guilty of the crimes that she's been accused of, she deserves whatever punishment that society deems. I have no qualms about her being held accountable for her actions. But I also realized that she must have a huge gaping hole inside of her to be capable of such unspeakable cruelty. I feel sad that whatever is missing in her soul allowed her to betray, harm and possibly kill the one person who loved her unconditionally.

You know, when I was a young woman I never planned to be a mother. I thought of myself as all "liberated" and artsy and stuff and although I liked kids, I just never thought I would be a good mom.  After I had my daughter I discovered a secret - my daughter gave me way more than I gave her.  Everyone talks about how stressful being a parent is, how it drains your time and money and sidetracks all your best laid plans.  Sure, having kids requires sacrifice and change, but wow - it is so worth it, I can't even begin to tell you how much. I know it's not the same for everyone, but I do know that your children love you. No matter how dumb you are, how crazy you are,  how unorganized, uncool, whatever - your kids will love you like no one else.  My parents took care of foster children for many years and no matter how screwed up a kid's family was, no matter how damaging those people had been, those kids loved their parents and wanted their parents to love them back. I'm so sorry that Shaniya Davis' mom was so blinded and wounded that she couldn't see how precious her daughter was and how much her child could have healed her hurting soul if only she would have let her. If it seems I'm trying to go easy on the mom or something, please know that nothing could be further from the truth. I guess I'm just so overwhelmed by the tragedy of the situation - the tragedy ripples out like a stone dropped in a puddle, touching so many people.

I do believe that Shaniya Davis is in Heaven. I do believe that she isn't suffering anymore and for that I'm grateful, but it's still just so incredibly sad. I hope you will pray for Shaniya's father and everyone else who loved her.

I just can't get this off my mind today, sorry to be such a downer. I did see this video online and somehow it made me feel a little better - it reminded me that there still is good and innocent things in the world. There's still hope.  Let's take better care of each other!

This wonderful video was filmed in Colorado by the photographer David Neils.

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After you've spent a lot of time planning and cooking a Thanksgiving feast, you want your meal to look as beautiful as it's going to taste. I always have fun planning my table setting each year. I know some people who like to have it look the same year after year, and I think that's great. It's a tradition that people hold onto and honor throughout the years. My table changes each year, maybe because I have a short attention span! I just like variety, really - and it gives me an excuse to own more dishes, but don't tell my husband that.

I know this year many people aren't able to spend a bunch of money on new dishes and table linens, but that doesn't mean your table can't look beautiful. Sometimes our difficult circumstances can cause us be our most creative! If you look around your house, you might find some creative ways to dress up your table.  Last year, I printed out vintage Thanksgiving postcards onto 11 x17" paper and then I laminated them. I used them as placemats, and everyone said how fun they were. Maybe that's not exactly your style, but don't be afraid to try something new!

I found lots of inspiring table settings on the web, I grouped these by color, but mix and match can look very lovely too!

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Well, I was going to try to write a post everyday this month, but no, real life keep interrupting all my plans! What a wonderful busy, and unexpected eventful life I lead!  Gabby is in the school play. This year they are putting on "Guys and Dolls" and she is on of the "Hot Box" girls. They have several songs and dance numbers that they have to do - I think she will be adorable, but I haven't told David that there's a scene where they have to rip off a long dress to reveal a shorter dress underneath during a dance number. I'm just going to wait and let him have a cardiac during the performance. Maybe I should have the ambulance on standby . . .

She is also the co-set director so she has been working on sets for the past few weeks as well as going to play practice. The past couple of days she asked me to come in for her last three hours of school and help paint.  (I even took the camera to take some photos, but it was so busy and chaotic there, I forgot) It was kind of fun, but it also reminded me how much I do NOT miss high school.  Then ironically, last night a guy from my high school class called out of the blue to let me know that there's a reunion this summer.  There were a few disturbing elements to the conversation, one, that he found me "on the internet," which sounds pretty cryptic not to mention creeeeepy, and two that "there's hasn't been a good turnout for the reunions" which doesn't surprise me one bit. I wanted to ask him, "Do you think it's because so many of you were such assholes during high school that most of us don't want to go back and re-live those painful and awkward moments?"  But no, I just tried to sound pleasant and non-committal.  I mean, if you had a wonderful high school experience and it was some of the best times of your life, good for you, I'm old enough now to no longer be bitter, but that doesn't mean I have any desire to revisit those days or "reconnect" with anyone I went to school with. I figure if I wanted to reconnect I could just do that on my own - I don't need a reunion as an excuse.

I actually loved high school - I loved the school part. I loved learning and I loved all my teachers, it was just the students I couldn't figure out how to live with. Gabby is so much better at high school than I was, even though she is ready to be done with it too. She has lots of different friends, she has more confidence in herself than I had. While we were painting a group of boys came into the auditorium to skip class. They had told their teachers that they were supposed to work on the play sets, but they were just in there to screw around.  They started messing around with a drum machine and it was becoming really annoying, especially since we were trying to concentrate and get a lot of work done. Gabby just let them have it, telling them in no uncertain terms to cut it out and let us work in peace. I was proud that she's not afraid to stand up for herself.  I was also proud because the director told me how much she loves Gabby. Everyone who meets me and Gabby always tells me how fantastic she is. I'm really blessed that way, because she is fantastic, and I have outside proof!

Today I'm grateful for Gabby, I'm grateful that I get to spend so much time with her, and that she wants me to spend time with her.  (I'm also grateful that I'll never have to go back to high school! EVER!)

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I've been trying all day to write a post, but they all come out sounding really depressing - and seriously, do you need help finding something to be depressed about? If so, I suggest turning on the news . . . there's plenty of sadness to go around.  Then I had to remember that there's plenty of happiness too . . .

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow." --Melody Beattie

I'm so happy that they found this baby and that she was alive and okay. Her little eyes look so serious and old. How could someone want to hurt a little doll like that? I'll never understand it, but today I'm greatful that she's okay, and I'll be praying that she has someone who will take good care of her.

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Well, if you haven't noticed, things have changed around here. I always do this. I think, "wow this closet really needs to be cleaned and I just can't stand it one more minute." Then I take everything out of the closet and about halfway into putting everything in order. I look around at the much bigger mess I've just created and wonder who in the hell had the bright idea to start this project!?

That's pretty much how I feel right now.

You know when something goes wrong on your car, and the person who's going to fix it tells you, "oh it's just this little thing and it'll take an hour to fix and about $100.00." Well my rule of thumb with car repairs after many years of experience is that you double the cost and triple the time estimates . . . you won't be exact, but you'll be a heck of a lot closer to the actual amounts than when you started. Changing a website is a lot like that. Suddenly there's all these little details that I forgot would have to be changed and adjusted. I'm so naive I swear! I always go into things like Little Red Riding-hood skipping down the lane to grandma's house . . . when suddenly who should appear? Yep. The Big Bad Wolf! (what's up with all the analogies?)

Anyhoo . . . sorry for any inconvenience you may experience on this site for a few days. Don't give up hope and don't go away mad . . . and don't just go away! Stick around, I promise it will get better!

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