Have you been planning to go candy shopping for the Halloween season? Are you confused by the vast array of candy choices available to you? Do you agonize over what to hand out to the little monsters ringing your doorbell? You cannot make this decision too lightly, otherwise you may wake up on November 1st to a yard full of toilet papered trees, or plastic forks dotting your landscape . . . no one wants this, so I’ve made a (mad) scientific study of what the kids like and what they dislike – hopefully this will help you avoid a Halloween disaster!
My first test subject was a 63 year old male . . . when I asked him what were his favorite candies to get when he was a kid trick or treating, he had the best answer, yet the least helpful, “all of them.” Of course any candy SOUNDS good, but we all know about those poor little duds that get left at the bottom of the bag. You try to trade them to your friends, but no one wants them. Finally, your mom throws them away around Easter.
So upon further reflection he told me that when he was a kid, houses handed out more homemade goodies. He liked popcorn balls, and cookies. Now days, we don’t really have that charming option. His other favorite choices were tootsie rolls, jaw breakers and gum. He couldn’t remember any candy he didn’t want. So, this interview proved interesting, but unhelpful in our quest to hand out the best candy.
Next, I asked a 37 year old male who gave me this list of favorites: Baby Ruths, Jelly Beans, Sweet Tarts, Skittles and M&Ms. hmmmm, very interesting. I wasn’t expecting the Sweet Tarts. . . His hated list was: Apples, caramels, lollipops, tootsie rolls, black licorice. Another surprise. Caramels? Really? Someone doesn’t like those. I’m beginning to think this guy’s a freak, who let him into the laboratory?
Okay, let’s try a female subject. I chose an 18 year old, and believe me she was FULL of opinions on this subject. Her Love list was: Snickers, Twix, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Caramels and Kit Kats. (We’ve all heard how women love their chocolate and this seems to prove that hypothesis). Notice she LIKES the caramels. Her hate list was: Pencils or erasers (does that count as candy?), Peanut Butter Kisses, Mary Jane’s, Gummy Krabby Patties – actually all gummy candy except classic gummy worms or bears, and most “Dollar General” candy. I believe she’s referring to off brand candy in general – not that specific brand. Well, this gives us something to work with. Chocolate GOOD – strange colored gobs of unknown origin, BAD!
Last, I decided to ask a younger male to compare results, so we brought in an unruly petulant tween and quizzed him. His love list was: Kit Kats, Skittles, M&Ms, Crunch Bars, Snickers. His hate list was: licorice, mints, erasers, popcorn balls, boxes of raisins.
After plugging all this information into my fancy laboratory computer – it’s got a lot of lights and it beeps quite a bit. I’d explain it, but it’s, “Things you wouldn’t understand. Things you couldn’t understand.” Here’s what we came up with:
Candy NOT to Buy: licorice, “healthy” options like apples or raisins, cheap candy from China or Mexico, and old people candy like Mary Jane’s and Peanut Butter kisses or mints.
Candy TO BUY: Snickers, Twix, M&Ms … aw, heck it seems any small bars of chocolate are going to get you love! There are those candies that it seems are somewhat safe to hand out, like skittles or starburst if you want to mix things up a bit, but the weird gummy candies seem to be a bit of a risk . . . it’s up to you if you want to play it safe or throw caution to the howling wind!
Whatever you decide, have fun and don’t forget to dress up to hand out candy – come on! Don’t be such a stick in the mud!!
Okay, now I must be off to do some further experiments in the lab. I’m working on something to help those poor vampires who’ve come down with the “glitters.” Poor suckers.