Dancing Elk Calf

This week I have been feeling so down. There is a lot of stress going on in my family – and I know that everyone has their stress, so I’m trying not to whine. Then on Tuesday I heard the news report about authorities discovering the body of  the five year old North Carolina girl, Shaniya Davis, that was reported missing. I couldn’t help it, I’ve been crying about it all day. I just get so tired of people being so evil. I just don’t understand this.  Maybe I’m crazy to be so affected by a person that I didn’t know personally, but when I saw her photo on television when she was first reported missing,  she just looked so sweet. I just can’t imagine how anyone would want to hurt a little child. I wish I could just go around and scoop up all the kids who are suffering and bring them home with me.  Unfortunately, I would need a really, really big house.

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There was something else I thought about today too, this girl’s mom. The person who is accused of selling this little baby, my first reaction is one of disgust and anger, and rightfully so. But this anger gets me nowhere, just an endless circle of why? that never has an answer. I don’t know if I can explain this right, but while I was thinking about this, it was as if  God granted me a little speck of grace to see this mother in a slightly different light.  If she is guilty of the crimes that she’s been accused of, she deserves whatever punishment that society deems. I have no qualms about her being held accountable for her actions. But I also realized that she must have a huge gaping hole inside of her to be capable of such unspeakable cruelty. I feel sad that whatever is missing in her soul allowed her to betray, harm and possibly kill the one person who loved her unconditionally.

You know, when I was a young woman I never planned to be a mother. I thought of myself as all “liberated” and artsy and stuff and although I liked kids, I just never thought I would be a good mom.  After I had my daughter I discovered a secret – my daughter gave me way more than I gave her.  Everyone talks about how stressful being a parent is, how it drains your time and money and sidetracks all your best laid plans.  Sure, having kids requires sacrifice and change, but wow – it is so worth it, I can’t even begin to tell you how much. I know it’s not the same for everyone, but I do know that your children love you. No matter how dumb you are, how crazy you are,  how unorganized, uncool, whatever – your kids will love you like no one else.  My parents took care of foster children for many years and no matter how screwed up a kid’s family was, no matter how damaging those people had been, those kids loved their parents and wanted their parents to love them back. I’m so sorry that Shaniya Davis’ mom was so blinded and wounded that she couldn’t see how precious her daughter was and how much her child could have healed her hurting soul if only she would have let her. If it seems I’m trying to go easy on the mom or something, please know that nothing could be further from the truth. I guess I’m just so overwhelmed by the tragedy of the situation – the tragedy ripples out like a stone dropped in a puddle, touching so many people.

I do believe that Shaniya Davis is in Heaven. I do believe that she isn’t suffering anymore and for that I’m grateful, but it’s still just so incredibly sad. I hope you will pray for Shaniya’s father and everyone else who loved her.

I just can’t get this off my mind today, sorry to be such a downer. I did see this video online and somehow it made me feel a little better – it reminded me that there still is good and innocent things in the world. There’s still hope.  Let’s take better care of each other!

This wonderful video was filmed in Colorado by the photographer David Neils.